How We Learn, and Can Teach, Emotional Regulation

Emotional regulation is an important life skill that supports our relationships, mental health, and overall well-being. It’s not something we’re born with — it’s something we learn and can teach.
From infancy, emotional regulation starts with co-regulation. When babies cry and their caregivers respond from a calm, emotionally regulated place, the babies’ nervous systems receive a powerful message: “You’re safe.” Through this connection, children gradually learn to calm themselves by tuning into their caregiver’s steady presence. If caregivers are calm and compassionate, children’s nervous systems come to recognize the world as a safe place, helping them develop their own emotional regulation skills. Conversely, if caregivers are emotionally overwhelmed, unpredictable, or explosive, children’s nervous systems learn to expect danger, reacting accordingly and makes emotional regulation more difficult.
These early experiences lay the foundation for how we manage emotions throughout our lives — unless we consciously choose to learn new skills. The good news? Emotional regulation is learnable and teachable at any age. Thanks to the brain’s remarkable ability to grow and change, we can unlearn old patterns and adopt new tools for grounding and self-regulation.
One of the most effective ways to build emotional regulation skills is through grounding techniques — simple, sensory-based tools that support us when we feel stressed, overwhelmed, or triggered.
Here are practical grounding strategies for different ages:
Early Childhood (Ages 3+)
• 5-4-3-2-1 grounding: Name 5 things you see, 4 things you feel, 3 things you hear, 2 smells, and 1 taste
• Blow out the candles: Pretend your fingers are candles and gently blow them “out”
• Bubble breathing: Imagine blowing slow, big bubbles to encourage long exhales
• Texture hunts: Explore textures around you (soft, smooth, fluffy, etc.)
• Animal breaths: Make gentle sounds like a snake’s “ssss,” a buzzing bee, or a bear’s growl while exhaling
Children & Youth (Ages 7–17)
• Alphabet Categories: Name items by letter of the alphabet (e.g., “a” apple, “b” bubblegum, “c” cantaloupe)
• What’s Changed?: Using memory and observation – notice details around you, then spot what’s different after a short break
• Wave breathing: Visualize ocean waves rising and falling with your breath
• Finger breathing: Slowly trace your fingers up as you inhale and down as you exhale
Adults (18+)
• Slow-mo movements: Choose a simple task — brushing teeth, pouring a drink, walking — and do it very slowly and deliberately, noticing every movement and sensation
• Ocean breath: Inhale normally, then exhale with a soft “haaa” sound, repeating several times
• Finger pulse breathing: Touch the tip of each finger with your thumb, coordinating each touch with your inhale or exhale
These tools remind us that emotional regulation isn’t about “getting over” feelings — it’s about staying present when emotions arise. Grounding doesn’t fix life’s challenges, but it helps us meet them with steadiness, choice, and resilience.